He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
