dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
