Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
