it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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