Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Too much gin, very little bucket
it was like eating out sand paper
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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