have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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