i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
