Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
