is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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