you guys were way drunker than both of me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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