drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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