You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
