That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do vagina's smell?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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