I puked a lego.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
birth control should be required to get into college
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
