My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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