I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
