Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
