tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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