So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Boobs speak an international language.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
