Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
