she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
