Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
