I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
