I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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