I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
