As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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