Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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