it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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