It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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