Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
