your parents love me but you hate me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i will never coherently bang her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
