Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We left an ass print on the piano.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
