Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
