So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
