It's like God shit irony all over that family
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
