I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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