sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
