apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
