There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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