burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
