i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
