dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
