I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
