how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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