I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
