Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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