I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
