I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
