You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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