saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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