i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
