Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
