Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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