My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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