i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
