i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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